Trouble.

I knew I was in trouble when I started dreaming about our life in 20 years.

Where our house would be, and how we'd sit outside late at night in the summer, still talking about hypothetical situations and long running jokes we've since forgotten the origins of. We'd rock in our chairs under the stars, sneaking glances at each other until we'd finally go inside to go to bed, our bed.

What our kids would look like, as if I didn't already know. They'd be blonde haired, green-eyed, ADHD-riddled weirdos just like their parents. They'd argue about stupid crap, like which Pokemon was better, and they'd grow up listening to 90's grunge and metal. Maybe they'd pick up one of our old instruments at some point and make our ears bleed, but we'd pretend to enjoy it.

How we'd spend every fall at the apple orchard, and how I'd make you breakfast for your birthday every year while the leaves turned all sorts of colors outside. How I'd bring you coffee to your desk, wearing one of your flannels on the weekends, and suddenly, whatever you were tinkering with wasn't nearly as important as your new found curiosity as to what else was hiding under that oversized shirt I had on, and who gave me permission to be wearing that in the first place, hm? 

All of the quiet moments we'd share, things as simple as taking out the trash, folding towels, chopping ingredients for dinner...there was suddenly a glow about them when I thought about these actions with you there. Handing you the mail that came that day, with your name at our address. You refilling our dog's water bowl as he greets me at the door. Brushing our teeth together before bed. Inevitably picking up each other's dirty socks from around the house on laundry day. Running emergency toilet paper to the other when the roll is out, laughing and teasing that you suddenly "can't find any." Sneaking back into the bed after getting the kids to sleep, careful not to wake the other as you slip underneath the covers.

I knew I was in trouble when I could picture us going to parent teacher conferences, and doctor appointments, and family funerals, and everything in between. 

Because none of those things scare me in the least, but telling you that too soon? That scares the shit out of me, so I'm just keeping it as a little secret; it's just a little nugget of information for me to know, and maybe for you to find out over time. Because if I have my way, we'll have the rest of our lives.