My Turn.

Lately I've been off my A-game.
It's sad really- it's seeping into every part of my life, including work.
Which is not okay, because while I don't necessarily want to stay at my current job, I don't want to be forced out.
I've even started looking for back up plans, when I should just be focusing on on my current plan there.
But it's hard to do when you feel like you're being set up to fail sometimes, or when you feel like you're giving 100% but it isn't translating into your work.

I try 100% at everything I do, but lately it just hasn't been enough.
I've been wearing myself thin.
I've, once again, taken too much on. Bit off more than I can chew.
But everyone expects me to hold it all together, to make it all happen, and to make it all happen perfectly.

I've been doing okay until the last month or so.
I've been seeing friends and family on a regular basis, and maintaining those relationships.
I've been going to work and putting in my best effort to maintain quality while also learning new processes & information as well as training new team members.
I've been getting holiday events prepared to make sure that everyone can get together and visit while they're in town.
I've been paying the bills, getting ahead on my student loan payments, and (sometimes) keeping the house clean.
I've been keeping up on my personal projects.

But it's been stressing me out hardcore- and I'd been able to keep it together really well.
Until today.
Fuck today, man.
Pass that bottle of wine and the remote. It's time for mindless nothingness.

Someone sign me up for some vacation time, paid or not. I just need some time for me to get my shit together.

People who've been screwing me over for far too long? Done with you. Bye, Felicia.
Extra shit in the house that makes it constantly look messy to me? GTFO.
Working in a place that makes me want to lose my mind? Over it.
Putting literally everyone else before me? Done. So very, very done.

Starting today, it's about me, damnit. I'll still be logical and mindful of my decisions, but something needs to change. Something is not making me happy and I am beginning to burn out.
It's time for me.
It's my fucking turn.


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